Neither the Chocolate Elephant nor Donkey You Wanted

dead cupidIf you consider the actual choices in political world as a chocolate landscape, then, most sadly, November seems to be shaping up as a United States presidential election that will see a milk chocolate mishmoshed sundae defeat a white chocolate soulless snack.

Regrettably, while there are a variety of chocolate-theme political choices, there is no (metaphor-Armageddon alert) dark chocolate riding to the rescue. Dark chocolate, of course, with its potential in unadulterated form to save your life is the candidate you believe should be running instead of the person you will actually vote for. Neither that person, nor even the other registered presidential candidates but the two of the major parties will be the next POTUS. We’re in the drugstore chocolate aisle, politically speaking, and so suck it up (so to speak) and figure out if you are team chocolate hair or team chocolate mouth.

Hair, or Hillary Rodham Clinton as she is more formally known, is the woman who lists sleep, binge watching House of Cards and (absolutely to the good, although also probably poll-tested) chocolate among her favorite things. Perhaps the highlight of her campaign coverage so far (chocolate-wise, anyway) has been the hoopla surrounding the Mikey Likes It sundae honoring her with a mash up of double chocolate waffle stuffed with Oreo cookies and topped off with a scoop of milk chocolate ice cream, semisweet chocolate chips, marshmallows and a chocolate-covered cherry. It was a far cry from her first entry into chocolate politics, the oatmeal milk chocolate chip cookie recipe that gave her a 1992 win over Barbara Bush in that year’s presidential cycle Family Circle bake off.

Across the great political divide is a man who looks a bit like an oversized (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie version) Oompaloompa with a political and personal philosophy much like a box of Forrest Gump chocolates,

as you never know what behavior or policy you are going to get and it sometimes seems neither does he.

DJ Trump has his own branded, overpriced, and excessively packaged chocolate bars made by Indiana’s DeBrand Fine Chocolates; his candidacy inspired a milk chocolate millionaires shortbread; and (in other chocolate gossip) he reportedly fought with an ex-, Marla Maples, so that their daughter, Tiffany, could enjoy the father’s preferred crappy chocolate rather than the mother’s homemade vegan chocolate. Add it all up — including his role as Hydrox attempted to pump up interest; and there is little choice other than to see the (John) Barron of bombast as a white chocolate Pringle, which is not chocolate any more than it is potato chip.

Months remain until November’s decision day, so ponder your choice, America, sundae or Pringle?

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